Mothers Day

or the day of the year that I would just like to do away with. This year it seems that its harder then the last 5 mothers days. Not sure why or what changed. Well actually I do know what changed. I did. I've come to understand the gospel just a bit more in the last few months. Not because I was doing some major scripture/soul searching. It just happened and for me it happened at the perfect time. I'm not the emotional type. Never have been really. However, I found myself crying at the drop of a hat on Easter Sunday. It started as one of those really horrible no good, you just ought to go back to bed and start over days. We've all had our far share of those days I am sure. After yelling and I mean yelling at not just the kids but David too, we left for church. Was I in the right attitude to be at church, absolutely not.  I sat through sacrament till just after the young men sat down. I just couldn't sit in the chapel any longer. I deserted David and the kids. I found myself wallowing in self pity and having a wo/poor as me party. I walked back and forth through the halls. Catching tidbits here and there of the speakers. Not really paying attention. If you have ever been in one of our church buildings you know that we have some beautiful artwork. If you haven't been in one, find one. The missionaries give church tours and will gladly tell you all about this amazing art. I started to look at them a little more closely. I stopped and started at one in particular for the longest time. I realized right then for the first time in a very long while that my heavenly father loves me. Not because I try to be perfect(because I am far from) but because I am ME. Shocked me out of that pity party a little. I had sharing time that day. Had I prepared one, nope. Not a good thing when you have children counting on some fun Easter sharing time. I decided to show a video instead. Cop out, YES. It had to be though. I was in no way shape or form to try and convey the wonderful messages of the atonement to children. I picked a video out of the library and went with it. That video just happened to be what I needed, even more so then the picture in the hallway. It depicted Christs life and all he went through for US. Reminded me of why I chose to go to the church that I do. Reminded me that I am a child of god, that he loves me and everyone for that matter. Reminded me that even if I let go of that Iron rod for awhile I can find my way back. It also reminded me that I have a mother who loves me and I know that one day I will see her again. Do you know how great that knowledge is? I do! I wanted to be bitter today, I tried to be bitter. Then I decided to pop onto facebook. I read all the wonderful messages about my mother and other mothers. I thought back on why I do what I do, day in and day out. Its monotonous, its underpaid, sometimes very emotional draining. However the rewards are HUGE. I wouldn't trade any member of my family for anything. They all play an integral part in my life. I love being a mother, I love knowing that one day I will see mine again and most of all I love knowing that I am part of one great big eternal family.